Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Heavenly Father I ask that you never let me forget my life before I was saved.
I never want to forget the utter emptiness in my soul that I tried to fill in all the wrong ways.
I never want to forget the self loathing I felt for the way I was living my life.
I never want to forget the loneliness of my self imposed isolation.
I never want to forget the disappointment of opening my eyes to a new morning when what I longed for was death.
I do not want to forget the overwhelming fear that kept me from leaving my home.
I never want to forget the guilt, and the anxiety and the pain that filled my every waking moment because of how I had failed my children that I could not raise.
I never want to forget the lies, deception and the self denial of my decaying mind.
I am so grateful for your redemption, for now there is no condemnation, and I am free.
I will treasure these dark memories because only through them can I measure how far you've brought me. Through them I can know just how far I've come by your grace alone. And with these memories I can begin to fully understand how great your love is. You never let go of me Lord, no matter how deep I sank. And I never want to forget that.
Thank you Lord for these dark memories. They keep me praising you.