Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My Prayer


Heavenly Father I ask that you never let me forget my life before I was saved.

I never want to forget the utter emptiness in my soul that I tried to fill in all the wrong ways.

I never want to forget the self loathing I felt for the way I was living my life.

I never want to forget the loneliness of my self imposed isolation.

I never want to forget the disappointment of opening my eyes to a new morning when what I longed for was death.

I do not want to forget the overwhelming fear that kept me from leaving my home.

I never want to forget the guilt, and the anxiety and the pain that filled my every waking moment because of how I had failed my children that I could not raise.

I never want to forget the lies, deception and the self denial of my decaying mind.

I am so grateful for your redemption, for now there is no condemnation, and I am free.

I will treasure these dark memories because only through them can I measure how far you've brought me. Through them I can know just how far I've come by your grace alone. And with these memories I can begin to fully understand how great your love is. You never let go of me Lord, no matter how deep I sank. And I never want to forget that.

Thank you Lord for these dark memories. They keep me praising you.

2 comments:

marcia russotto said...

Cindy, you are a perfect example of how god's grace is sufficient in any and ALL situations.

You are a beautiful person inside and out. You are one of the most caring and loving mothers I know. Molly is truly blessed to have you as her mom. Have awonderful Mother's Day!!

iambendavis said...

Cindy,

That was very deep and anyone else I would maybe tell them to forget all that stuff...but you said it in such a way that tells me that you are strong in the Lord and know how much He loves you.

Good stuff for sure!